I don’t really have a reason or excuse, I just found that as I was dealing with everything last spring, I needed to write often… and it was just easier to do that right in my Facebook group. I think I desperately needed the connections and support, and “micro-blogging” and sharing memes helped somehow. Lately I’ve been feeling a pull to come back here–to buckle down and get serious about a few things again. I feel a little like a meme I saw once: my brain feels like an internet browser with too many tabs open, random pop-ups everywhere (some of which are frozen) and there is annoying music playing…

In the last few weeks, P has really started talking up a storm. He’ll be three in July, and it seems like his words are coming in like a freight train. A ridiculously cute and mispronounced freight train. He’s picking up new letter sounds all the time, but he still puts his own spin on most of his vocabulary. He replaces a lot of his “S” sounds with “L”s, and he loves to add in a solid “B” sound to start off some of his favourite words. I thought I’d walk you through what his day looks like now using his words… see how many you can figure out!! He…

It’s been a month since my miscarriage. Actually, yesterday was the one month mark but I felt a little too raw to write about it. It’s strange… I sometimes get in these moods where I feel deeply like I need to write to process and sort out my feelings, but at the same time I just… can’t. I feel like I’ve been in a weird head space these past few days. Sometimes it feels like what happened to me was just this awful dream. I know it happened, but it all just feels so surreal. I can’t even begin to describe how strange it is to be pregnant and planning…

We went to church this morning for the first time since we lost the baby. I couldn’t have tolerated it physically at first, and last week as a special weekend where we hold a world wide general conference, so there were no regular services at our building. Emotionally, I’ve had a good week. I feel like I’m getting stronger and aside from feeling a little sad or misty-eyed, I hadn’t cried in a few days. Work has been a good distraction, despite feeling like I am completely buried in marking. Physically, it’s been slow and steady. I am so beyond ready to put this behind me, but I’m on day…

I think the hardest part of having a miscarriage is not being able to know why it happened. I’m doing my best to stay out of my head and not feel weighted by guilt, but it’s hard. Having a concrete reason for why this happened–why the baby stopped growing–would provide so much closure for me. But those answers just aren’t there. When I first found out that there was no heartbeat, they told me the gestational age of the fetus, which gave me an approximate time range for when the baby had actually died. I did what I think most people do: I began raking through my brain for every.…