The Story of the Sod Cutter*

Seven days.

I can’t believe it’s been an entire week since my last post. *bows head in shame*

In my defense, things have been a little crazy around here. Being homeowners has been a series of adventures. And we all know that adventures make fabulous stories.

Tonight, I have a marvelous story for you. It’s called The Story of the Sod Cutter.

Once upon a time, a not-so newlywed couple moved into their very first home. They knew the house needed some tender love and care, but they were young and excited and decided they were up for the challenge.

As the snows melted and spring crept out from beneath winter’s heavy hand, the beauty of their new backyard was unveiled. It was lush and green…

…and yellow.

The girl briefly thought that having a jungle in the backyard could be wild and exotic, but sadly her hubster was not convinced. So, they hemmed and they hawed as they stared through the patio doors at their jungle yard.

After some discussion, they decided that it was probably best to start fresh.

…but how?

On one of their romantic date nights to Home Depot, the Hubster found their solution: a sod cutter. After a little investigation, he learned that it could be rented from the store and it was on sale that week.

Two days later, the Hubster announced that it was time: the jungle yard was about to be tamed.

With a help from a friend and some new neighbours, the mission began. Much like the way a rider jumps onto a bucking bull, the Hubster dove in a tackled the lawn with the sod cutter. The cutter had a mind of its own and wasn’t immediately ready to be tamed, but the Hubster took charge and showed it who’s boss.

Naturally, the girl stood by to take pictures and laugh hysterically support her husband.

He cut…

…and cut…


…and cut.

And slowly but surely, their jungle lawn disappeared into rolls and piles.

Because he has super sod cutting powers, the Hubster flew through the backyard and decided to tackle the front. While not as junglish as the back, their front yard was dotted with weeds and bright yellow dandelions.

He made it a few feet into the front yard when the girl heard the machine stop.

By this point the girl was up in their beautiful new office space resting from the arduous task of taking photos of people actually working. Much like the way Romeo called up to Juliet in the famous balcony scene, the girl heard someone calling to her from the ground below. She leaned out her window to see her beloved on the lawn, calling out  to her:

“….Is the internet working?”

The girl was perplexed. The internet?! Of course it was working!

…or had been a moment earlier.

She whirled around to her beloved laptop only to see that the internet had elusively slipped away while her back had been turned. Confused, she made her way outside only to see the stopped sod cutter and a piece of broken cable in the Hubster’s hand.

You see, the brilliant technicians that came to install the cable many years ago didn’t bury the cable properly. So, when the Hubster pushed the sod cutter through the front yard, it took revenge on them and sliced clean through their not-so buried internet cable. In fact, it was hardly buried at all.

…until they went looking for what was rest of it.

After they realized that the internet cable had been cut, they decided to take a break from sod cutting to play a game of let’s-dig-up-the-side-yard-in-search-of-the-cable. The end still connected to their house was easy to find… the end running out to the street was much more elusive.

After a 30 minute dig and many “this is the one, I can feel it!” ‘s later, the other end was finally found.

They discovered that the cut cable could be reconnected, but as it was quickly getting dark they decided to put it off and focus on hauling at least one load of the jungle lawn out of the backyard. A neighbour graciously lent them a trailer, which they proceeded to back into the yard to fill.

The men made short work of filling the trailer, then it was time to haul it out.

…except that the trailer wouldn’t come out.

They heaved, and they ho-ed, and they pushed, and they pulled, but the now heavy trailer just couldn’t make it back through the fence gate. Some extra manpower arrived on scene, and with a little extra rearranging and shifting the  men finally got the trailer out at 10:15pm.

The men drove away to empty the trailer, and the girl trudged up the stairs and collapsed into bed to wait for her Hubster to get home.

She was almost asleep when he crawled into bed shortly before midnight, utterly exhausted.

…and utterly triumphant.

The jungle yard was no more. They fell asleep knowing that even though it had lashed out at the internet, they had conquered the sod cutter and had a pretty, unlevel dirt backyard.

The End.

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