Parenting is hard sometimes.,  P*

He Finally Sleeps.

I come with a message of hope.

This is P. This morning I *dragged* him out of bed at 9:30am. He definitely would have slept longer, but he had already been out for 12 hours and I want him to go to bed on time tonight.

For anyone who is fairly new here, you might be wondering why a kid sleeping in a bunk bed is newsworthy, but, oh, seeing *this kid* sleep is still a big thing for me.

You see, P is my third child. I already kind of had my hands full with a four year old and two year old when he was born, but I knew it would be a challenge and went in with my eyes open.

The problem was that I don’t think I closed them again for almost two years.

P didn’t sleep. If he did sleep, it was in short spurts after hours of crying and bouncing and walking. He would occasionally nap in my arms during the day, but I think he was a year old before he slept longer than 60 minutes at a time at night with any regularity.

He was 18 months old before he slept through the night for the first time, and he was almost two before that was a semi regular thing.

Then it was another year of trying every trick under the sun to get him to go down at night before 10pm. Remember his nightly routine of sneaking down the stairs and waving over and over?

It was REALLY cute.

It was also REALLY exhausting because I felt like I never, ever had a moment to myself.

I spent so many hours walking a track on his bedroom floor while I held and bounced him, because it was the only way he would quiet at night. Often we both cried, and in my exhaustion I would chant, “I am never doing this again. I am never doing this again.” I knew that each night we made it through was one day closer to him being older and able to sleep.

When my maternity leave with him was coming to an end, I remember sitting on my bed and absolutely breaking down to M. Part of me was desperate to go back to work because in my sleep deprived head, being out of the house and using my brain felt like a break.

…but then I also knew I wasn’t getting enough sleep to function on ANY level and the idea of working like that was so overwhelming.

In the end, I took an unpaid leave of absence instead of going back because I just couldn’t do it all with no sleep.

(And yes, we tried all the things. I sleep trained, I read books, I reached out for help, I spoke with a sleep consultant, and even weaned him. If you’ve met P, you know he doesn’t do ANYTHING unless he’s ready. And he’s been like that since birth.)

It’s been a long road. I still have a little bit of PTSD about sleep because of it.

But today, my big, handsome, newly 5 year old boy just slept for 12 hours straight, and does this almost every night.

So if you have a fussy baby that will. not. sleep, I see you. I have been there. I know to the depths of my soul how hard that is. Your struggle is real and those feelings are SO valid. I’m sending you SO much love and strength… and a little bit of hope.

The day I dreamed about on those never ending nights is finally here.

I hope your day is coming soon too. ❤️

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