Last Day of Mat Leave*

Well, we’ve finally arrived: today is my last official day of mat leave.

I’m not booked yet for tomorrow, but I’m back on call which means I have to keep my phone nearby all the time. Calls go out until 10pm, and start at 5:30am… which I feel is possibly insanely early, but it is what it is. I somewhat reluctantly packed my teacher bag last night, and I think I’m sort of ready to go.

Except that I feel incredibly nervous.

I know it’s totally irrational–I love my job and I know I’ll love it again the minute I step into a classroom. It just feels a bit daunting having been out for over two years. Not knowing where I’ll be each day is a bit stressful, but I’ve already been booked for a few days at two of my favourite schools so I’m hanging on to that. I know I will miss having my own classes and the camaraderie of being part of a department, but I’m beyond excited about the no marking bit. When the bell rings, I can walk out with the students and be done with my day.

That will be awesome.

I think part of my nervousness today has to do with this enormous to-do list I’ve created in my head. I have so many things I feel like I need to get done today, and it’s a bit difficult to see how I’ll squeeze it all in. Somehow it always gets done though, and I’ll figure it out.

I’m just taking deep breaths and trying to enjoy my day. P and I went out on a leisurely shopping trip this morning and it was so lovely. I found some things I’ve been hunting for, bought supplies to make a lunch for tomorrow, then came back and ignored my to-do list for an hour and lounged around the house, watching him play. He loves cars, trucks and planes, and he is so attached to a little grey and blue motorcycle we have. He carries it everywhere and flies it around the house while he runs. Being at home one-on-one with him has been so different… he is calmer, plays well on his own, isn’t yelly and stays in the cart when I go shopping. It’s amazing. I’m really enjoying my time with him and I’m sad that now I have to go to work!!

The school honeymoon is wearing off for H. On the weekend he realized that school wasn’t really like camp as camp ended after a week and he has to keep going back to school. He still goes willingly without tears, but he keeps asking to stay home and seems a little sad until we get there. He is always happy and excited when I pick him up, but his little sad face in the morning is heartbreaking.

I give him lots of snugs to make up for it.

Well, I should probably get back to my to-do list… one bathroom down, one to go. Only vacuuming, tidying, dinner prep, picking up the kids, getting organized for tomorrow, making all the lunches and a hundred other things left to go!

Ah.

Is my mat leave really over?