Thirteen*

Several of my friends on facebook have been posting notes that contain thirteen messages for 13 unidentified people. The idea is to release things that you’ve wanted to say but never have into the universe and get it off your chest. Ideally, the person should never know which statement is about them… it’s really just a means to vent, and is apparently quite therapeutic. So, I thought I’d try it.

1. You inspire me. I admire your creativity and independence. Even in the face of adversity you somehow always seem to maintain a good attitude and persevere. We have been friends for a long time, and I don’t know if I’ve ever told you how much I admire you and value your friendship. You are a rock in a sea of changing tides. Thank you for always being my constant.

2. You settled… and it breaks my heart. I feel like you could have had the world at your fingertips and you sold it– for what? I try so hard to be patient and wait for you to come to your senses, but knowing that you could be so much more breaks my heart. But you know how I feel, and you know I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I just wish you could’ve let go.

3. I let you go… and of the many mistakes I made over the years, this is one of the ones I regret the most. I miss you every day, and I am so thankful that you never cease to forgive my shortcomings. I hope that someday we can rebuild the friendship we once had.

4. I don’t understand the direction you’ve let your life take… you are SO incredibly talented, and I’ve watched you throw so much away. You’re so different. I like to pretend that I still know who you are, but I really don’t. The person you show me is not the person I know you are to everyone else. If you like who you’ve become, then don’t hide it from me. I hate that you think I can’t handle it.

5. I don’t know when we started drifting… but suddenly I feel like we’re on opposite ends struggling to find a common ground we used to share. You’ve changed a lot… I guess I have too. I wish I knew what to talk about with you so that we could make things work again. It just seems like every time I try I freeze up and huge silent gaps fill the places that long conversations once occupied. I’m sorry…

6. We’ve known each other a long time… and throughout those years we’ve always been close friends. Yet I have always felt that I’m only ever really your friend when it’s convenient for you. When you need help, you come to me. When you have a problem, you come to me. I don’t mind being that person for you… I just wish that you would include me in more of your life. I’m always the ‘other’ girl. When you’re with someone, we drift. When you’re not, we’re close. It shouldn’t be like that, not for us.

7. Sometimes, you drive me nuts. AHHHHHHHH. There are times when I seriously want to grab you and knock some sense into you. You blame the rest of the world for your problems, but nothing will ever get better for you until you change your attitude and make some changes in your lifestyle. You are AWESOME… please just remember that THERE IS NO RUSH.

8. I have a lot of trouble making friends with girls… but with you, it was so easy. I don’t think you know how much of an effect you make on people– you brighten a room when you enter it. I appreciate your friendship every day, and you are the closest thing I’ve had to a real best friend in a long time, and I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes. Don’t ever second guess yourself… you have SO much going for you. Thanks for being you, and for being here.

9. I can’t believe you. If I thought you were worth it I’d slap you, but it’s not my business so I just walk away. I love that you can pretend like nothing happened… but I know. I know what you did, and I don’t know how you can even look at yourself in the mirror. You’re lucky she’s such an amazing person and forgave you. I can’t.

10. I don’t know what happened to you… I moved away and you fell apart. I’m so glad that you’ve made some changes, but I still miss the person that I knew. I used to know absolutely everything about you… and now I know absolutely nothing. What happened to you? Where are you? Why?

11. You have no idea how exciting it is for me to think about how close we’ve become considering our history. You’ve become a source of strength for me… you’ve been through some immense hardships in your life and as you are healing from them I see you becoming this person of courage and inner power. I know you have insecurities… but we all do. I just hope you see what others see… or what I see. And what I see is amazing. I love that we’ve become closer, and that I can come to you when I need someone to talk to. It’s something I’ve wanted my whole life… and I’m so glad we’ve made it work.

12. I hated you. I’m sorry… you took something from me that I was fiercely protective of and tried to turn him on me. We had SO much history and you waltzed in and took over… and I couldn’t forgive you for that. It took me a long time to let that go and accept you as a part of his life. But thank you for also finally accepting me as a part. Your apology meant the world to me… and I’m sorry for being such a jerk. You make him happy… so that makes me happy. I’m glad we finally buried the hatchet.

13. You walked into my life exactly when I needed you and I will love you forever for staying. Despite our differences we are so much the same and I am eternally grateful that we found each other and made things work. There is so much that I love about you… I love the way you still reach for my hand, the way you look for me when you wake up, the way you understand what I need without my asking, and the way you constantly support and love me unconditionally. I love that you always come and hug me when I am leaving/coming home, that you never forget a special day, that we are our own family and that you are fitting into mine (and vice versa), and the way you never make me cry, but hold me when I do. Mostly, I love that you have always been you… there are no surprises or lies. Just you. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Wow… that felt surprisingly good! Now back to the essay. Ugggggggggh….. haha

Shop Girl*

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