Lightening Up*

As I was thinking about which TV shows I would include in last night’s post, I realized just how much my TV habits have changed.

To begin with, I am watching significantly less TV than ever. I’ve really cut back on what I’m watching, and I’m not wasting my time with shows that I don’t absolutely love. Some of my favs that made the cut are Hoarders, Glee, and I’m testing the waters with American Idol this year. So far I am hearting the Steven Tyler  + Jennifer Lopez combination.

I’ve also changed the type of TV shows I watch. I used to be obsessed with any type of “crime” TV. I watched CSI, I Survived, Law & Order: SVU, America’s Most Wanted and Criminal Minds, among others. Of all those shows, Criminal Minds is the only one that I continue to watch sporadically, and it’s only because of my love for Derek (Shemar Moore):

…really, need I say more? Didn’t think so.

I don’t know why I’ve always been obsessed with these shows… I think it probably stems from a fear that I have always carried around with me. Being attacked is probably my greatest fear, and I guess I hoped that watching all these shows that constantly portray dangerous situations would desensitize me or prepare me for whatever came my way.

But as I’m approaching the one year anniversary of my experience being followed home by three men, I realize more than ever how woefully unprepared I was to handle myself in such a situation. I just reread my post that walks through the experience in detail as well as all of your reactions to it, and again I was completely overwhelmed by it all.

I’m happy to report that while I have never seen those men again, I strive to be more conscientious and aware of my surroundings when I’m out. I took you up on your advice and read The Gift of Fear and I wouldn’t hesitate to call the police if anything like that ever happened again.

After being followed home last February, my interest in watching those types of shows has slowly decreased. I realized that the feeling I always had when watching I Survived wasn’t a good thing… I know there are bad people in the world. Hearing people recount their experiences of being attacked by their boyfriend or being attacked on their way home from work over and over always left me with a sick feeling in my stomach, but I couldn’t stop watching.

…until one day I did. And I don’t find that I miss it.

I much prefer watching shows that make me laugh, or that inspire me to clean my house. (ahem… Hoarders)

And best of all, I find more and more that I’m replacing TV with other activities. Even I didn’t really believe that I’d be able to breathe life back into my blog and write every day, but I’m doing it. And I’m loving it.

I’m reading again–more than ever. I’m replacing all the “dark” books I used to read (Dean Koontz, Steven King, etc) with a wider variety and it is amazing. I’ve read so many fabulous books in the last few months that I never would have touched before, just because the description on the back didn’t sound scary enough.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to focus more on the lighter side of life. For me, those TV shows and books weren’t just TV shows and books–they felt like real situations that I was terrible at separating. I found myself reliving them at night through my dreams, and during the day through my fears.

So, that’s the end of that. I’m sure I’ll always have that curiosity, and if some new Criminal Minds-esque show popped up tomorrow, I can’t say for sure that I wouldn’t be tempted to watch it (and become hopelessly addicted to it).

But I am making a conscious effort to lighten things up a little. I think the sign that I have hanging in my living room has it just about right:

Live. Laugh. Love.

(and try not to be scared all the time. haha)