My thoughts*

I didn’t write last night.

For the first time since September 2nd, I didn’t write.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, it was on my list of things to do and I’d even thought out what I was going to say. I was going to tell you all about what a lovely day I had at work… I went to a school that I haven’t been to in years, where I didn’t have many connections. I was sort of dreading it as I was nervous it would be another long day of feeling awkward in a department where I was the odd man out.

…except that it wasn’t. Everyone I met was so lovely. SO lovely. It was one of the most fun departments I’ve been in in ages. The kids I taught were wonderful, the staff I met was friendly and welcoming and it was such a great day.

But I still felt like I was catching up on missed sleep from two nights before. It’s such a whirlwind coming home after work with the kids. It’s a non-stop ride of picking them up, unpacking from school, getting snacks, getting them settled so that I can make dinner. It’s go go go go go until almost bedtime.

We’ve also had a friend of ours coming almost every evening to work on the drywall in our basement, and another friend popped in right around 5pm while I was getting dinner started. All of these things are good things.. this week just took the stuffing right out of me.

By the time we got through dinner, it was almost 6:30. I called my mom as I hadn’t talked to her in several days, and I completely ignored the dishes and had a lovely 40 minute chat with her. After that it was time to clean up the toys, get jammies on the kids and get them to bed. It was some time after 8pm when we finally had them settled.

After we leave the kids’ room, M and I will often go and collapse on our bed for 20 minutes or so and just… be. We talk about our day, read the news, sometimes watch a bit of a hockey game and generally just have a minute to breathe after the madness of the day.

We are also close at hand to bring P back into bed for the many, may times he tries to escape and wander before finally falling asleep.

I must still have been tired last night… I had been laying on the bed talking with M, then he went downstairs to do something. I remember thinking, “I’ll just lay here for 5 more minutes…”

…and I woke up at 12:30.

I shuffled to the bathroom, tried to take off some of my makeup, changed into my jammies and shuffled back into bed. I slept until 6:30am this morning and feel so much better.

So, I didn’t write last night. I also didn’t do the dishes, tidy the living room, finish editing our Christmas letter or move the Elves. (Oops! Luckily H had had a big time-out last night and I explained they hadn’t moved because of that. Thankfully they bought it and have been on good behaviour all morning. haha) My body just shut down and I slept, and I think I needed it. I reached the point of exhaustion where eve my brain shut off and I didn’t think about any of the things I “needed” to do last night… I just slept.

And it was glorious.

Part of me hates that I broke my streak, but another part is immensely proud that I wrote 95 days in a row.

The dishes got done this morning, I finished the letter, the Elves are still in place and I found time to write this morning. I’m still learning that sometimes you’ve just got to press pause and let it all go. The “stuff” can wait.

Sleep is good.

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