My thoughts*

Mom Moment*

I honestly don’t even know where tonight went.

Well, I know where the last 30 minutes went… I’ve been non stop texting with my brother about season 2 of Making a Murderer which I finished yesterday. I have SO MANY FEELINGS. I’m still processing. We just had a good vent session and I feel like I need to hash this out some more. It left me with so many theories and questions and I need more episodes to understand.

(Such a good show though! Are you watching?)

Tonight has been my night for whirlwind cleaning and prep as I work tomorrow. M and I have been running around trying to get organized, and of course P decided tonight was a really good night to stay awake until… right now. His door just opened and I know he’s sitting at the top of the stairs. *sigh*

I had a lot of messages and comments on my last post, and I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate all that you each said. It’s sometimes scary for me to share personal or vulnerable posts like that, and it helps to know I’m not the only one feeling that way. I would love a concrete answer one way or the other, but maybe that’s just not in the cards for me right now. (Patience is not my strong suit.)

Today was one of those days where I felt like I sort of knew what I was doing as a mom, and that I was doing an okay job at it. Most of the time I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best, but today I felt like I was “on”. There were no major fights before we left for school, then P and I went for a big adventure walk exploring the neighbourhood and looking at every. single. rock, stick and pinecone.

It was super exciting.

When we got home, I turned on some music while I cleaned the kitchen, and P came in for a dance party. He loves to dance. I’ll blast my 90’s tunes and he’ll come rock out with me in the kitchen, smacking my bum and yelling, “MAMA! DANCE!” whenever I stop.

Then I realized that we didn’t have any lights to put in the pumpkins we carved last night, so off P and I went to the dollar store to spend way more than I intended. But I am now fully stocked in rubber gloves, Lysol wipes, skittles, resistance bands and a bunch of other things I didn’t realize that I needed until I got there. I even remembered to buy the lights that I actually drove there for, which was very exciting for me.

After the store it was a quick lunch then time for P’s nap. Then began the rush to do all the things I needed to do while he slept / rewatch season 1: episode 10 of Making a Murderer. (I’m obsessed.)

Nap time always flies by faster than I want it to, but it leads into my favourite time of day: snuggle time. I have to wake P up at 2:30, or else he is up until after 9pm. He is so sleepy and warm when I go in to get him, and he is still half asleep as he grabs his “baby” (a small stuffed bumble bee) and folds himself into my arms. I carry him downstairs, and we snuggle on the couch for half and hour while he wakes up. I sit on the couch, and he sort of turns in so he is as close to me as he can possibly be. We watch a bit of a movie and I sometimes half doze, perfectly content to hold my small boy for just a few minutes and rest. For that short time the world stops, and it doesn’t matter how big my to-do list is, I can forget about it and hold him and be totally okay with it.

…but then begins the rush to get ready and get the big kids from school. As soon as we pick them up S & H compete back and forth to regale me with tales from their day. The weather was so perfect today, and the kids spent most of our walk home grabbing piles of leaves and throwing them up into the air to make it “snow”.

As soon as we got home I went into full-on Mom mode. I’m working on getting the kids in a routine of putting their outside clothes away, taking their lunches out of their backpacks and bringing them to the counter, then going to wash their hands before starting to play. As they were cleaning up, I started making potatoes for the pot roast that I had simmering in my slowcooker. Once the potatoes were on, I called S to the table and we did her “homework”–two booklets to help her with her reading. As I was sitting at the table reading with her, it struck me of how much of a “Mom Moment” it was. Pot roast cooking, potatoes boiling, two kids playing and one kid reading with me.

I’m officially a grown up or something.

M rolled in just before dinner, then it was a flurry of baths, stories, bedtime and cleaning. I still have to make lunches for tomorrow but I just really don’t want to. If I just think about them hard enough, do you think they will materialize on their own? Maybe? Possibly? Please?


I can’t believe tomorrow is Hallowe’en. It’s also the end of October, which means I’m one day away from writing every day for two months. Holy moly.

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