The Uniboob*

The origin of this concept actually goes all the way back to grade 10; way back to my good friend Kyddo* and her grey zip up sweater.

One particularly cold day in grade 10 when our old school was more drafty than usual, Kyddo decided to zip her sweater all the way up–past the traditional half-zip, all the way up to her chin. As she slowly warmed up she glanced down at her chest only to realize there was something not quite right with the zipper on her sweater. The zipper curved out, leaving an enormous bulge on her chest… creating the appearance of “The Uniboob“. The zipper somehow made it look like she had only one giant breast, instead of the regular normal-sized two. We laughed about it for ages when we first discovered it, and then I completely forgot about it.

…until today.

When I woke up this morning, I checked the weather forecast before getting dressed. I was dismayed to see a “winter storm watch” flashing, so I decided I should dress warmly, just in case. I threw on my black skirt and boots with a white top, then grabbed a grey zip up sweater as I ran out the door for church.

I found the building a might chilly this morning, so as the Hubs and I sat in sacrament meeting I zipped up my grey sweater all the way to my chin to stay warm. The Hubs followed suit, and as he was sitting down his zipper bulged out making it look like he had an enormous pot belly. I began poking it (what good wife wouldn’t?) when the whole situation seemed extremely familiar. That is when I looked down at my chest and nearly laughed out loud in the middle of church.

I had a huge uniboob.

No matter how I adjusted the sweater, as long as it was zipped to my chin there was no ridding my chest of the massive uniboob now sitting there. I had two choices: stay warm and ignore the uniboob, or unzip and have two breasts again.

I opted for the uniboob. It’s good to be warm. :)

Do you own any uniboob shirts?

Shop Girl*