• I’m Having an Off Day*

    I feel kind of out of it today.

    My run was off this morning–I couldn’t even run my whole 5km. I walked a bit and finished it, but I just wasn’t feeling it.

    Chair guy wasn’t there at least, so that’s a plus.

    I felt pretty motivated this morning and went out and got some yard work done… but the kids kept fighting and I swear I had to shut off my lawnmower at LEAST five times to break up a spat. By lunch I was exhausted and threw on a movie for the kids so I could just have a minute.

    I didn’t feel like doing much after lunch, so I curled up on the couch and semi-dozed while the kids played (read: destroyed) the living room. I think every toy we own + every piece of duplo in our house was mashed together on the floor and I just decided that today I didn’t care.

    Then I felt bad for needing some space this afternoon and decided to make pizza for dinner.

    In other houses, I think pizza is what you do when you don’t feel like cooking. Here, it’s a different story.

    I have to make two separate kinds of dough–one gluten free and one regular. I have dairy-free cheese and regular cheese, and then a myriad of different toppings for different kids who can / can’t eat different things.

    It’s seriously such a process and it’s a bit exhausting… but I hate telling my kids that they “can’t” have something. Pizza is their FAVOURITE. So, every so often, I roll up my sleeves and do the work. It takes about 2 hours from start to finish to make it all, but they are SO happy. It’s worth it.

    In the midst of pizza making, we got a call that a friend wanted to come by for a bit. Of course we said yes, then I realized that I had let the kids completely destroy the living room and I had blissfully turned a blind eye to it.

    I’m so used to not having anyone but us in my house, it felt weird to suddenly know someone else was coming over. I went into crazy lady mode and blitzed the main floor–tidied the toys, vaccumed, cleaned the bathroom, tidied the entrance way and took HEAPS of stuffies back upstairs where they belong.

    Oh my word I was a wee bit tired when it was done, but I basically did a full day’s worth of cleaning in 20 minutes… so you know, there’s that.

    I was so burnt out after pizza making and house blitzing that I was not my best tonight. P went from snuggle bear mode to DEMON MODE in 5 seconds flat and screamed at me pretty much the entire time I was trying to get him to bed. I totally lost my temper when I saw the state of the kids’ rooms, and made them tidy up before anything.

    Through all of this Miss S kept bugging to watch the 3rd Anne of Green Gables movie… which I can’t stand. I’ve been putting it off but I know she wants to and I was more snippy about it tonight than usual after P’s screaming and the gigantor mess. We squeezed in 15 minutes but oh, it’s painful.

    I don’t know how the first two movies can be so magical and this one is just so bad.

    I’m just tired I think. Sometimes all of this just gets to me and it feels heavy. One of the hardest aspects of social distancing is just the sameness of it all. I desperately want to go out and do things and be in the world again, but then I also don’t feel safe going out, so it’s this constant battle of what I feel comfortable with in my heart.

    Anyway.

    Tomorrow will be better.

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