The Big Decision*

For the past several weeks I’ve really been wrestling with what to do with regards to work.

I finished my last LTO at the end of January last year. I debated whether or not I should supply teach a little bit in February so that I wouldn’t eat up any of my maternity leave time if the baby was late, but I was so pregnant and tired that I just wanted to be home. I ended up having four glorious weeks at home with Ruby, and it gave me some much needed time to prepare the house for baby #2.

As a result, my maternity leave is scheduled to end on January 31st. I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about it because for the longest time Hank wouldn’t take any type of bottle or cup. Since he was born, I haven’t spent more than 3 hours away from him as he just will not take a bottle.

(We finally had a minor victory yesterday when he drank 4oz of formula from a sippy cup without a fight. It was glorious.)

I also don’t have my daycare arrangements finalized yet. I have a few leads, but nothing it set in stone. I like when things are set in stone. I’m trying hard to work it out so that the kids will be with someone I know; I still feel a bit uneasy about sending them to a public daycare while Hank is so little. I want to eventually send Ruby to a preschool, but I honestly just haven’t done much research into the ones in my area just yet.

So, I’ve been wrestling with what I should do. A big part of me is so excited to get back to work. I miss teaching. I miss the hustle and bustle of life in a high school. I miss using my brain for things other than remembering that I need to buy more diapers.

At the same time, I don’t feel quite ready. It was a little easier with Ruby because she had no issues taking a bottle or soother, and she was able to stay with a friend of ours during the day. It was a perfect arrangement and I had no qualms about heading back to work when I did. But Hank is a different baby, and he has just needed me a little more than she did.

After playing out every possible scenario in my head–supply teaching part time, supply teaching full time, half day or full day LTO, or even working in intermediate so there would be less marking (but oh, so much more planning..)–I still didn’t feel quite right about any of them.

Then, late one night as I sat rocking my (not-so) small boy in his dark, quiet room, I decided to take a little more time off. I discussed it with the Hubster, and the next day I sent a request off to my supervisor and I waited (im)patiently for her response. Thankfully my request was approved, and now I don’t have to go back until March 2nd, which gives me another full month at home with my two toads. It means I’m out of the running for full-semester LTOs (and maybe LTOs entirely depending on what’s available), but I feel at peace with the decision. As soon as the idea popped into my head, I knew it was right for me.

So, that’s where I’m at. I’m not sure what I’ll be heading back to in March, but at least I have a little more time to prepare for it. :)