I have been a tiny bit stressed about work.
And by tiny bit, I obviously mean I’ve had a white night or two about it. For those that are new here, I am an “occasional teacher”, better known as a supply teacher. I have been teaching for over 10 years and have been eligible to apply for permanent jobs for a while, but last year I made the decision to stay occasional for now as it allows me a little more flexibility. In the past I’ve had the freedom build my own schedule and take off days whenever I need to.
With three kids, that’s extraordinarily helpful… particularly during flu season. And strep season. And cold season. And… you know.
It’s also kind of neat because I get to work in so many different schools. Since I’ve worked contacts in multiple schools and have been supplying for so long, I have friends all over. It’s really fun to go to different schools and get to work with phenomenal colleagues at multiple locations.
With everything that’s going on with COVID, the idea of being a supply teacher makes me INCREDIBLY nervous. I was quietly freaking out about the possibility of having to go to multiple sites–in the past it wouldn’t be abnormal to work at 3 or four different schools in a week… heck, I’ve even worked at two schools in the same day.
I was also worried that my board might crack down on that flexibility that has become so important for me. It is SUCH a privilidge that I even have it, and I worried that they might require supplies to have more open availability to fill the vacancies I am sure are coming. We are still back and forth about what to do with the kids and school and I worried that if they required me to work more than I have been that homeschooling wouldn’t even be an option for me.
I told you, there have been some white nights.
My board finally reached out with instructions and options for occasional teachers today. The long and the short of it is that I don’t have to accept daily assignments. I can still explore short term contacts and apply as I wish, but I won’t be forced to work all over the board like before.
I am SO relieved.
I feel like this GIGANTIC weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I wish I could enjoy it a little more… but at the same time, there is also a heavy weight pressing on my chest as I think about all my friends who don’t have this option and are walking back into work next month. I really hope that the plans the province has put in place will be enough to protect them.
This all just feels like such utter madness. I keep going over and over all of this in my head, and the only thing that keeps ringing is: how is this real life?! How did we get HERE? How has the world changed THIS much that I’m afraid to send my kids to school? I’m afraid to go to a job that I love for fear of my family’s health and safety… it makes NO sense.
It’s just… bananas. All of this is absolutely bonkers and I can’t wrap my head around it.
Tonight I’m going to bed with such a mixed bag of emotions. I feel lighter somehow, but also still so weighed down.
Six days left until school decision time for the kids.
Oh my goodness. It’s late… and I am SO tired.
I didn’t write last night. Honestly, this week has been really overwhelming. There are so many big adulting things happening and even though I keep waiting for someone else to come and tell me what the answers are, no one comes. I need a magic lamp. Or something.
So last night I turned my brain off and we watched a movie. Actually, we watched parts of two. We started one downstairs then decided to be responsible and go to bed at a reasonable time.
…but then we went upstairs and turned on part of a different movie and watched that instead of going to bed like responsible people. Why we didn’t finish movie #1? No idea. We’re just wild and crazy like that.
The deadline to choose whether our kids will be attending school in-person is looming and it’s like this big black cloud hanging over me. We have 8 days left to declare what the kids are doing. EIGHT DAYS.
I am so beyond grateful that I even have a choice when so many other families don’t. At the same time–it feels SO heavy. It just feels so ridiculous that we are all in this position. How is this real life?!
Also, I haven’t really spoken about it until today, but we are house hunting! We’ve been looking for a couple of weeks, but we are so back and forth about what we want and where we want it. We’re really hoping this move will be to our “forever house” so again, a heavy decision we want to get right.
We saw two more houses today… and one of them we actually loved. It has almost all the things we want, but not quite. So, do we settle? Or do we wait and see what else comes up? I just don’t know. AH. We’re lucky that we have a phenomenal realtor that I’ve known for a long time. She has been so patient guiding us through this, and I know we’ll find our place.
In other news, I’m going to get my hair cut tomorrow and I’m SO EXCITED. I checked my calendar, and my last cut was on August 13th of 2019. It’s been almost a year and it is SO overdue. I still am not sure what I want to do, only that I want her to cut about 23438297 pounds out of it. It’s so heavy I am beyond ready to let that gooooo.
I am also going to pick up groceries. Not as exciting as a haircut, but YAY FOOD!
And now, I’m taking my overtired self to bed.
I’ve been trying something new this week.
I have a confession: over the past few months, we sort of got in the habit of not doing our dishes after dinner. We’d put the food away and load the dishwasher, but inevitably we’d be tired or the kids would need us for something and we’d get pulled from the kitchen….
…and then just not go back to do them until the next morning.
I never loved it, but sometimes facing the messy kitchen at the end of an already long day was just not something either of us were terribly interested in. We chose to relax instead, and for a while it was what we needed.
Lately though I haven’t loved waking up to a sink full of dishes. Now that I’m running and doing yoga in the morning, it just added one more thing to my to-do list.
For the past week, I decided to actively focus on going to bed with a clean kitchen every night. It seems like such a basic thing, but our kids have an early-ish bed time so it’s sometimes hard to juggle everything–family activities, going for walks, bath, stories, etc in the short window between dinner and bed.
…and by the time we actually herded them INTO bed we weren’t super motivated to go clean the kitchen.
That being said, it has been reeeeeally nice to wake up to a sparkly kitchen. I’ve made a point of changing some of my habits to ensure most of the kitchen is clean right after dinner, then we go back and finish after the kids are in bed if need be. I don’t always want to do it, but I get it done and I forgot how much I enjoyed not having to think about it in the morning.
So. Look at me being all adulty cleaning the kitchen when you’re actually supposed to.
Miss S has also been on a cleaning spree.
Her room has long been a point of contention between us as it’s typically a bit of a disaster. She usually likes it in a state of chaos where she can see EVERYTHING, and most of it is all over the floor. Despite my aversion to doing dinner dishes, I can’t stand when there are things all over the floor. It drives me bonkers.
She and I have been working hard on some strategies to help keep her room a little tidier, and I have noticed a big improvement. It usually takes some prompting from M or I (read: nagging) but she is cleaning up more often.
Today, she did it spontaneously WITHOUT BEING ASKED.
I came upstairs and found her room like this and I wanted to weep tears of joy.
Instead, I gently pulled her aside, wrapped my arms around her and told her how much I loved her. I told her this was the best gift I’ve received in a while and that it was such a big help to me. I gave her a big ol’ kiss on the cheek and she was absolutely beaming.
So look at that. Miss S and I are both turning over new leaves this week.
I like it.
I woke up in an empty bed.
M had gotten up some time before me, and had quietly gone downstairs. I stretched out luxuriously, and heard the kids doors open one by one. I waited for them to come into my room, but they went straight downstairs instead. Suddenly it was very quiet, and I was very alone.
THIS NEVER HAPPENS.
It was SO peaceful. I half dozed for a while, then I opened the blinds, got back into bed and read. Meggie is just about to go on holiday in The Thorn Birds, and if you’ve read the book then… YOU KNOW.
I eventually went down and found the rest of my family together in the basement playing Nintendo. I squeezed in on the couch, and P immediately climbed on top for a snug. I sat and watched as M and the kids played Minecraft first, then switched over to some new Pokemon game he found. It was great fun in the beginning, but by the end all three had gotten mad about losing battles and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
I declared then and there that it was to be a No Nintendo Day.
Usually the kids have their “Nintendo Time” before dinner. They have to tidy all the toys in the basement and living room before they can play or watch a show on the ipad, then I get a break to make dinner in peace. It’s so lovely.
That being said, I’ve noticed lately that they have been starting to ask for Nintendo Time earlier and earlier each day. Miss S in particular was struggling to find things to do that weren’t on a screen, and that does not sit well with me.
She was not impressed when I explained that our No Nintendo Day included ALL small screens–including the tablets. After an initial pout, she seemed to make peace with it and we actually had SUCH a good day. Knowing that screens weren’t even an option, they dug into their imaginations and played really well all day.
Miss S decided to clean and organize her entire room on her own. Without fighting me. It was MAGICAL. She also spent time playing with her kinetic sand and dove into “Barbie World” for a long time. She and H got the Legos out tonight and spent over an hour building this elaborate stage tonight, complete with a band performing on it.
H has started making his own perler bead creations. He takes an action figure to the table, and then uses that as a guide to help him work. His little super heroes are so cute!! Today he worked on Green Goblin and Batman, and he also made a sweet Green Lantern symbol. I’m not kidding–he spent HOURS beading today.
P dumped out his dinosaurs and had some kind of Jurassic Park thing going on in the living room. There were a lot of dino sounds and screaming so it sounds like whoever it was didn’t make it.
All three went outside to play without an argument, and despite some bickering off and on throughout the day, they actually played really well together. I loved the day so much I actually told them that tomorrow will be a No Nintendo Day too.
(They weren’t as enthused about that as I was.)
It felt so good to have to pry them away from Legos and action figures instead of screens tonight. After they all got in their jammies, I went into the boys room and found this:
All three kids playing super hero action figures with their Dad. They were ALL in on the game, and it was the cutest thing to see them all playing together…
…and not fighting. Really, that’s key.
Having three kids isn’t always easy… but days like today make me feel like maybe we’re doing an okay job at this parent thing.