Sugar Cravings*

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I want to talk about something I’ve really been struggling with, to the point that I’m ready to talk to my doctor about it. I’m hoping that owning up to my struggle will help me finally find some motivation to do something about it.

I’ve had a hard time losing weight. I am fully aware that it can take a year or more to get your body back to where it was pre-baby, but a few months ago I hit a plateau and have made no progress. There are a couple of reasons for this.

First being, I’m not exercising. I’ll own it. I’m great at talking about it and setting goals, but I have found it incredibly difficult to find the time, energy and motivation to actually do it. I am a morning exerciser. I always have been. Unfortunately, the Hubster is back at work and is gone until 4:30pm each day. By the time he gets home I am basically… spent. Then there is dinner to get through, as well as settling the wee-bean. When all is said and done I can barely sit up, let alone think about exercising. This in itself is going to be another post, so I don’t want to delve too much into this yet.

I’m struggling with something that I’m not sure how to control.

I crave sugar. All the time.

Everyone does, right? Well, I crave it to the point where it feels like I can’t think about anything else. It feels like an addiction, and I sometimes feel like I can’t focus on anything else until I’ve satisfied the craving. And I find that it’s taking more and more to satisfy my cravings, and as much as I don’t want to eat the things I am, I’m not quite sure how to stop.

Even as I wrote that, I could hear the judgmental voice in the back of my head saying, “If you want to stop, just do it. No one is forcing you to have bad habits.”

…except that I often feel like I can’t control it. I’ve always loved sweets, but I always have had some semblance of portion and self-control over what I ate.

I don’t feel like I have that anymore. The cravings get so intense that if there is nothing in my house to satisfy them,  I can’t think about anything else until I find myself baking something to dispel the craving.

It’s a vicious cycle and I don’t know how to break it.

A huge part of me has become intensely self-critical, and I fully blame myself for my excess weight and poor eating habits. The other side of me desperately wants to believe that it’s not just me and there has to be something off… somewhere.

And the honest to goodness truth? I’m unhappy. I amashamed of my body. I was so proud of my pregnant belly and how well I took care of myself while I was pregnant.

Now I hide behind baggy clothes and try not to study myself in mirrors.

It’s hard, you know? In my mind I still want to see myself as the in-shape, semi-fit woman I was seven years ago, but at the same time I feel like that version of myself is long, long gone. Now I am thirty pounds overweight, sitting at my computer trying desperately not to eat the sugary thing my body is currently demanding.

In my head I think, I’ll fix this tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll go for a run, eat really well and take a big leap towards my fitness goals.

And the thing is, I really do want to do that. But tomorrow always comes, and with it comes a lack of motivation and cravings more intense than the day before.

So, I’m hoping that finally speaking about it will help me actually do something about it. I’m hoping that opening up about what I’m struggling with will help keep me honest.

I’m hoping for change.

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5 Comments

  • LoLa

    try starting with simply writing down what you eat everyday.  even if it isn’t good.  being honest with yourself will keep you accountable.  i use myfitnesspal.com and it is awesome and soooo easy.  take one day, one meal and even one moment or craving at a time and break it down into smaller milestones to reach so you aren’t overwhelmed.  celebrate the little successes with a new pair or earrings or even a new pair of shoes at VV for every 5 pounds lost or something.  You can do this!!!  good luck!!  xo

  • Ruthanne

    My husband did not grow up eating healthily, and he was really reluctant to eat healthier, particularly in regards to veggies and whole grains.  Also, his portions were Texas sized and he had a bad habit of inhaling his food which caused him to overeat.  He was always extremely active with football and track in high school, so his poor eating habits didn’t show…until he got back from his mission and settled into student life.  It wasn’t so bad the 3 years I knew him at BYU because he still found time to exercise, but he steadily gained body fat, and particularly peaked once med school started and his schedule became crazy.

    Then, one day in med school, he came home with groceries in hand and surprised me with whole grain pasta, brown rice and veggies.  I was in shock!!!   That day a guest speaker, Dr. Steven Pratt, had lectured the med students on nutrition, primarily disease prevention through good eating habits.  He also shared with the students the risk of disease when we choose not to eat healthily.  That did it for him–the research was staggering and he knew he was doing damage to his body. 

    We still have treats, but our lifestyle has completely shifted.  He has lost about 30 pounds since that time, including muscle he has gained from a better fitness regimen.  And, he lost the weight BEFORE he had time to get a good workout routine.  Honestly, nutrition is 90% of weight loss.  Seth now rarely craves unhealthy foods because he has retrained his mind to think of healthy foods as a treat for his body.

    I’d be happy to find the lecture Seth has from Dr. Pratt and send it to you.  You can Google him and find his website on Superfoods, but I don’t think it includes all of the data regarding disease prevention and cause from diet which impressed Seth.  Everything he recommends is common sense–it’s not like Seth didn’t know that veggies are good for you and a diet high in sugar is bad.  But perhaps seeing the numbers will open yours eyes to how good or bad diet can be for the body and how little is genetics. 

    I know friends who struggled for years with diet and exercise; they finally got a wake up call at a doctor’s check up that they were pre-diabetic, had atherosclerosis, etc.  In their late 20s.  All of the sudden, change was easy because it was life or death.  Maybe this can be a wake up call before you get to that stage.

    I wish you the best on your journey!

    -Ruthanne

  • Jordanfuller

    I completely understand what you are going through! I often feel exactly the same way. In fact I too will admit to having a sugar addiction. I LOVE sweet things and always HAVE to have something sweet every day. Plus I also get the “I’m exhausted from taking care of little people all day, plus doing the dishes, laundry, getting groceries or whatever else may need getting done and want to do nothing but sit in front of the tv with a bag of chips at the end of the night feeling!” Holy run on sentence! lol. In any case I’ve been really lucky to just drop most of my baby weight without any effort and everybody thinks I’m really skinny, but I know that my body is not what it used to be and is not where I’d like it to be- and that’s more about fitness and health than size! It’s so hard being a mom and finding time for yourself. I wish I had some advice to give you but all I can say is I feel you and totally get what you’re struggling with! I hope that is some consolation. Good luck with getting to where you need to be. I’ll let you know if I find something that works for me!

  • marianne opulencia

    I know what it feels like having a 
    sugar addiction. Even if my mind tells me to slow down on eating sweets, my stomach doesn’t seem to listen. Now, I’m trying to make myself busy just to get through the day without sweets. I know it’s a huge sacrifice but I know it’s all worth it in the end.

  • tulip

    Hiya
    If you think something is off you should definitely talk to your doctor about it. Everyone has a different response to post pregnancy chages in hormones.
    Also I know that in the past you’ve gone without chocolate (and/or?) sugar for lengths of time – so be encouraged (like the little train that could – we think you can we think you can) and ask your doctor.
    best wishes
    tulip

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