This is hard.

I wish I could say that our day yesterday somehow magically made everything better.

We had a great day. After I wrote, she came down and we snuggled on the couch and finished Chronicles of Narnia, which we’ve been watching in pieces over the last little while. We went to pick up the boys and made a big show of “pretending” she had been at school.

She loved it.

This morning we were back at square one. Actually, to be totally transparent, we were about 10 steps behind square one. It was a rough go.

You see, on top of her just feeling a bit burnt out by the routine, this week her teacher also moved her seat partner. I know this happens in a classroom. Heck, as a teacher I’ve definitely moved kids around as needed… it just came at a really difficult time.

Several kids were involved in the switch, but S was devastated. She was sitting with her new best friend, and it was such a blow. I’ve talked to the teacher and I support their reasons for the move, but S is really struggling with everything. She already has some anxiety, and sometimes she spirals and everything just feels so… big.

And this is where *I* struggle. It is SO hard to watch your kid wrestle with something that feels very big to them. I want so badly to know if I’m handling things the best way I can but I’m usually left feeling like I have more questions than answers.

Did I say the right thing?
What does she need?
Do I (gently) push her to talk?
Or do I let her have space?
If I don’t push, is she keeping everything bottled up inside?
Should I help her try to understand the teacher’s perspective, or just listen?
Do I let her keep crying even after we’ve talked, or does she need a little bit of tough love?
Will giving tough love make her feel like I don’t care?
Should I talk to her teacher and try and fix this?
Will talking to the teacher now prevent her from being able to work through future problems on her own?
Is it better to let kids feel and work through see big emotions so they know how to navigate them with support?
If I DO try and fix this, am I actually helping or hurting?
Do I encourage her to walk through the door, even when she is crying?
Did I make the right call by taking a break yesterday, or have I made this harder for her by breaking routine?
Am I pushing too hard?
Or not hard enough?
Am I doing the right thing?
How do I know what that is?

I just… this is really challenging sometimes. This morning I questioned everything as I left her there, visibly upset and not wanting to go.

I hope I made the right call yesterday. It felt right at the time… but it’s wild how much things can change just one day later.

If nothing else, I hope yesterday reminded her of how much I love her.

And even if I get the rest wrong, at least she has that. ❤️