You’re Doing It Right*

To everyone who shared their stories about their babies with me last night– thank you.

It helped.

It’s frustrating, you know? It feels a little unfair.

You do all the things you’re “supposed” to do, but still…

Your baby is too small? You’re doing it wrong.
Your baby is too big? You’re doing it wrong.
Your baby doesn’t sleep? You’re doing it wrong.
Your baby sleeps too much? You’re doing it wrong.
Your baby is fussy? You’re doing it wrong.
Your baby wants to be held? You’re doing it wrong.

Your baby is different from this impossible standard to which we must all strive to achieve?

You’re. doing. it. wrong.

Except…

Radical thought here.

What if you’re not?

What if you’re doing everything right?
What if we recognized that that standard is unfair because each baby grows and develops differently?

…because each baby is different?

As if having the entire well-being of another small person on your shoulders wasn’t enough, parents are shamed, criticized, judged and reprimanded every which way by different people who hold different opinions on the exact. same. things.

It’s exhausting.

I think what makes me the most frustrated was that the comment and look I received from my doctor yesterday was just enough to make me question myself.

W had two vaccinations yesterday. He was a little out of sorts for the rest of the day and just wanted to be held and nurse for comfort.

As he calmed down and sleepily nursed in my arms, I rocked him back and forth and questioned: should I be nursing him? Do I need to pull him off? Is this what’s making him so big?

Then I caught myself, and looked down at my little boy who pulled off himself and smiled in his sleep.

He’s happy. He’s healthy.
He’s perfect, just the way he is… and really, that should be enough.

This parenting gig is hard enough without carrying the weight of the expectations and opinions of others. It’s heavy sometimes.

My words for 2021 were “Let Go”, so I’m going to let those expectations and opinions go too.

W has been pretty great at communicating what he needs, so instead of listening to others, I’m just going to listen to him.

So here’s a little reminder in case you need to hear it too:

You’re doing a good job.

Actually, scratch that.

You’re doing an *amazing* job. And if your baby is happy and healthy and it’s working for you, then guess what?

You’re doing it right.