Today was W’s two month checkup.
It was our first time seeing my family doctor as we were with our midwives until now. I should preface this by saying that I love my doctor. We get along really well, and I will forever love her for how she reached out to me at home when she learned about my miscarriage.
But today was… I don’t know. It was what it was.
When she walked the the door, she warmly said hello to me, then smiled at W, who was calmly laying across my lap. Her eyes widened, then she smiled, and to him said:
“Oh goodness! You’re so big! …why are you so big?”
I felt my defenses go up, just a little.
Then she did his checkup and we went through the process of checking his measurements and weight. He’s beautiful and healthy, and… big. I knew this. He’s always been a very healthy eater and gained weight quickly and steadily after his birth.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t ever felt a shred of concern about it. He’s just so big, and I’ve quietly worried if I was somehow doing something wrong that was contributing to the rate of his weight gain.
Today he weighed in at 15lbs 13oz. He’s 75 percentile for his height, and he doesn’t even measure on the charts for his weight. His growth curve was literally “off the chart”.
As she told me, a look quickly passed over face. You know the one. I hesitantly asked if his weight was something that I should be concerned about, and there was just enough of a pause before her answer to make the little worry I’ve had get just a little bit bigger.
“…well, not yet. He’s just… big. We’ll just keep an eye on it and assess his curve at 6 months.”
He was given his vaccinations, and I was given the room to nurse him and calm him while we waited the obligatory 15 minutes before leaving.
As I sat there with him, I felt all the doubts I’ve been keeping at bay come creeping in a little closer.
Is he okay? What does a rapid weight gain mean? Is it a sign if something bad? Am I doing something wrong?
What’s wrong with my baby?
Then it hit me:
Nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my beautiful baby.
As I looked down at my sweet boy, his eyes met mine and he gave me a beautiful smile. In that moment, it felt like he was comforting ME, not the other way around.
He is healthy. Happy. Thriving.
THAT’S what matters, not the curve on his growth chart.
I think most parents have things that we quietly worry about. It’s hard. It’s hard knowing that the well-being of another person is entirely dependent on you.
So, we worry a little. (Okay… a lot).
And sometimes a look on someone’s face, or a comment made (no matter how well meaning) can worm it’s way in and make a small worry feel oh, so big.
But as I sit here typing with one hand and rocking my beautiful boy with the other, I’m choosing to see that look and those comments for what they are:
I know they say that good things come in small packages.
Well, I think good things come in big packages too.