Starting Over*

On Sunday I had two separate people ask me about my blog, and that evening we watched a movie that revolved around a theme of journal writing.

…I think someone was trying to send me a message. ;)

Somehow I let a whole month go by without writing here once. Life has been unbelievably busy, hectic and full. My work schedule increased, my responsibilities with church seemed never ending, and let’s not even talk about the state of my house over the past few weeks. In between it all, the Hubster’s parents flew in for a visit, I tried to finish my Christmas shopping and baking, and even squeezed in a trip to the Great White North to visit my very cute 95 year old Grammy.

I often thought about writing… but somehow those thoughts never translated into action. Whenever I would sit down at my computer at the end of a long day, even trying to think of a post title was exhausting.

And so, here I am, a month later. I’m on holidays, the Christmas rush has passed, and I finally feel as though I’m caught up on my sleep. I’ve been at my parent’s for the last six days, and it’s been wonderful to just… slow down. I’ve been sleeping in, watching movies, going for walks and spending time with family. The stress that has been sitting on my shoulders for the last five weeks has finally lifted.

I feel like me again.

I’ve spent the last several weeks wondering what to do about this thing–my little blog that I’ve loved for more than four years. But when months pass in between posts, can I really call myself a “blogger” anymore? Has writing here really become that much of a chore that I can’t bear to do it at the end of the day?

…I don’t know.

I actually considered permanently signing off a little while ago… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Despite everything, I love writing too much.

So, I think I just need to change the way I think about blogging. It is something I think about and want to include in my day, I just need to find the time to do it. When I started writing I Heart My Shoes, I was a undergraduate student with lots of assignments to procrastinate. Writing was easy when it meant I could put off a dreaded essay or assignment for another hour, or offer a brief respite from research that was taking over my life.

Teacher’s college was another story. My school workload increased by 200%, but there were still lots of lovely assignments to procrastinate.

Then, real life happened. One day I woke up and realized that I was a “grown-up”. Having a job no longer meant working 10 hours a week, and there were bills and student loans to pay. Attaining my first job in my career field was amazing, but it also introduced me to a whole new schedule. My time at home was cut in half, and there are days when the things I want to do around the house require more time than there are hours in the day.

And somewhere in there I like to spend a little time with my wonderful Hubster.

So, suddenly the time I would have spent blogging has melted away and I’m not sure where it will fit in in with this new life I’m living… but I am determined to make it fit. If I have to set an alarm to make myself stop and write, I’ll do it. The Hubster also just bought me a little netbook that I can take with me to work, where (ironically) I seem to have the most free time. So my prep periods may become my new blogging time… we’ll see. ;)

I also think I have to change the way I’ve thought about blogging lately. Somehow I got it into my head that everything I write has to be this hilarious or dramatic story that would make a million people want to flock to my blog to read my marvelous words.

Ha.

Somewhere along the line this stopped being my journal… and I really miss it. I want to breathe more of who I am at this point in my life back into my writing.

So, I’ve set a little goal for myself. Starting today, I want to write every day until the end of January. If I can make it, I’ll try for all of February… and go from there. If you know me in real life, and a day is passing and I haven’t written yet… please yell at me. Throw things at me. Make me stop what I’m doing and write.

Because once I sit down and start, it’s my favourite thing in the whole world.

Someone once told me that if you really love doing something, you should try and do it every day. So, please bear with me as I try to find myself again… there may be a lot of venting and whining on my part, but I’ll get there.

xo