I Understand Now*

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since becoming a parent is the importance of now.

As you know, I come from a big family. I am the fourth of six children, so life for my mom was very busy. We were all expected to pitch in and help around the house, and my mom was very particular about when she wanted our chores completed. It always felt like she had this sense of urgency; if we didn’t complete our tasks immediately, or within the window of time she allotted us, she sometimes got upset. I never understood that as a kid, and, if I’m being totally honest, it drove me a little nuts. I knew what needed to be done, so what if I did it six hours or six days from now?

Ha.

I understand better now.

I understand that feeling of urgency… that feeling of not knowing if you’ll have another window of opportunity to complete whatever it is you want done.

Life with Ruby is… busy. She is the happiest, sweetest little girl… who doesn’t nap. She might give me two 45 minute naps during the day, if I’m lucky. That’s an hour and a half of time by myself… in a whole day. That’s an hour and a half to shower, eat / make three meals, clean, catch up on sleep, make phone calls, and try and do something for myself so I don’t go insane.

My days now revolve around feeding and nap schedules, and the brief windows of opportunity I have when my hands are free. I am constantly trying to “seize the moment” to get things done each day.

If I don’t do things right now, they don’t get done for hours, or sometimes days. I no longer have the luxury of saying, “I’ll get to it later.” The concept of “later” has completely changed for me, and it’s no longer something I can always control. I used to be a happy procrastinator and not feeling like I am in control of my own time is often overwhelming… but I’m adjusting. The hardest part is trying to decide what I should do when those opportunities present themselves. Dishes? Laundry? Gardening? Read? Sleep? Shower? Write?

It’s obvious which of these options has fallen by the wayside.

I know I’ll find some sort of balance eventually, and hopefully Ruby will come to love naps like her momma.

Speaking of which, I hear a certain little someone waking up, which means this little window of freedom has ended. Sorry dishes, I’ll get to you later… (or not. ha)

 

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