My thoughts*

I Did It*

Today was a cool, grey day full of quarreling kids and not what we expected paint colours, but there was one big ray of sunshine for me: this post marks the completion of my goal to write every day this month. I technically started writing on the 2nd, and didn’t officially make it a goal (in writing) until after I watched Julie & Julia on the 3rd, so while I’m slightly bothered that I can’t say 30 posts in 30 days, I’m still pretty happy with 29.

To be perfectly honest, I enjoyed this much more than I thought I would. Whenever I set goals, I’m usually all gung-ho at the beginning,… but then my enthusiasm begins to fade when I’m busy and tired and eventually the goal I was SO EXCITED about becomes just another chore on my never-ending to-do list. After years of very sporadic writing, I really thought trying to write every day for just a month was biting off more than I could chew.

Except that it wasn’t. As I waited for this to start feeling like a chore, it never did. It has become something I look forward to each day–some time to sit, think, reflect, vent and record the details of my life. I often don’t feel like I have anything interesting to write about, but I find myself thinking more deeply about things and wanting to share my thoughts. I feel like I have a voice again, even if it is quiet, rusty and out of practice.

Mostly, I feel proud for actually finishing something. I know in the world of “goals” this was such a small thing, but for someone whose life often feels so chaotic that it’s difficult to finish anything, I really didn’t know if I’d be able to see it through. But I did. And I feel a little proud about it…. and I’ve decided that that’s okay. (Someday I’ll actually finish a BIG goal and really have something to be proud about, but you know. Baby steps.)

So, thank you. Thank you for reading– for encouraging and supporting me, for laughing at my lame jokes, for picking me back up when I’ve felt small. Thank you for being here. Your comments and messages about what I write mean more to me than you could ever possibly know. A little while ago someone messaged me to tell me that they looked forward to my blog post every day and that my posts often made them think. It was such a small thing, but I swear I smiled for a week straight.

I have actually been putting off writing today because I was a bit sad that it’s my “last day”. I like the rhythm of writing every day. Even if I say I will, I know I won’t write as often if I’m not working towards something.

So, I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve decided I want to try and write through all of October too. If I can manage to write every day two months in a row, I’m pretty sure that I can conquer anything. (At least that’s what I’ll tell myself to keep pushing through. ha)

I feel like this writing challenge has woken something up in my heart, mind and soul, and I don’t want to send it back to sleep. In some way, writing has helped me feel more like me than I have in a long time. I still don’t know if I’m any good at it, but writing has really always been more than just a hobby for me… it’s the thing I am most passionate about. It feels good to feel passionate about something for me again.

So, there’s that.

See you tomorrow. :)


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