My thoughts*,  Baby Boy

Due Date*

Well, we actually made it.

Based on the way I’ve been feeling over the last few weeks, I really didn’t think we’d get this far. My ultrasounds indicated that my due date could be off, and I was having all kinds of weird symptoms that made me wonder if I would have two children with birthdays in early February.

And yet, here we are–February 24th, and for the past several days I’ve felt very little. Lots of movement on his part, but few BH contractions and very little cramping. Which, if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been totally okay with.

I know I haven’t written in a few days, and it’s largely because I’ve been wrestling with some anxieties that I wasn’t sure how to put into words. Last Thursday I had my first appointment with Olivia after nearly four weeks. As I expected, it was a very thorough examination and discussion that lasted over an hour. It was so good to have her back and have a chance to talk about everything.

But she also presented me with a lot of information that I found a little… overwhelming.

A few weeks ago I had an ultrasound that came back with some interesting results. The technician at the clinic looked at our little man and thought that our due date might be off. I’ve never been 100% certain about it, so it wasn’t a surprise to me when she suggested that it may be a possibility.

The other option that was considered but never really discussed in depth with me, was that this “wee” baby might not be so little.

The idea had rolled around at the back of my mind, but since Ruby was on the smaller side, I honestly never really put much thought into it.

Until my last appointment.

Olivia sat down with me and went through my ultrasound results. She explained that this baby was measuring in the 90th percentile for size and was estimated to weigh 9 – 10lbs.

Now then. I know that this is not an exact science, and that ultrasound measurements can be way off, but hearing that I could be having a huge baby made my heart sink a little.

She wanted me to be prepared and have all the information possible (which I really appreciated) so we discussed what that could means in terms of delivery and both our recoveries. Bigger babies have higher chances of shoulders getting stuck on your pelvic bone, and Olivia walked me through the “4-minute” rule and what she would have to do if that happened. I know she wasn’t trying to scare me, she just wanted me to understand what would be happening if she suddenly switched from easy-going Olivia to a drill Sargent who was focused on getting my baby out as quickly as possible.

Because of these potential complications of the delivery of 90th percentile baby, she would also have to initiate a consult with an OB to discuss an induction date. I have nothing against OB’s in general, I just wasn’t in love with the experience I had with “Dr. Evil” during Ruby’s birth. She made an appointment for me at an ultrasound clinic to have an appointment the following morning so she could get an updated idea of his size.

I also learned that because my iron and hemoglobin has been low for the last several weeks, they are / will be monitoring me very closely during and after the birth. She explained all the things I need to watch for and and talk to her about if I start feeling.

And then she explained that if my baby ends up being over a certain size, that my hospital stay will likely be extended so they can monitor his blood sugar. Not the end of the world (I know), but I was disappointed to hear it. My hospital stay was fine last time, but I really just want to have the baby and get home to my own bed and things as quickly as possible. I had to stay for two days after having Ruby, and I would really, really, really love to be able to come home the same day this time.

That was just the discussion part. As she was doing her examination, she discovered that the baby’s heartbeat was a little low and the antibiotics I was on last week for the first infection had caused another that I needed to treat.

It was just… overwhelming. She knew that my spirits were a little low as I was leaving and she stayed until she had answered every question I could think of at the time.

I left her office feeling… unsettled. The rational side of me knew I shouldn’t worry until we had more “conclusive” results, but I’m not going to lie–I cried most of the way home. I walked in the door, hugged Ruby then poured my heart out to the Hubster. He sat with me while I cried and listened to the fears that had filled my heart. We discussed all the hypotheticals that Olivia had presented, and he encouraged me not to stress until we had more information.

It was a long night for me. I have been trying not to think much about the actual labor and delivery as I knew what to expect, and I knew dwelling on the pain part would only make me anxious.

Suddenly everything was in my face and I couldn’t stop playing all these worst case scenarios through my mind. You see, I have been told by more than one doctor in the past that I am fairly small “down there”. I know that things shift after you have a baby, but the idea of pushing out a huge baby terrified me. What if there were complications? Will I still be allowed to have an epidural if I may need to switch positions to get the baby out? What will the recovery be like?

What if? What if? What if?

I felt a little calmer the next morning, and the Hubster came with me to the ultrasound. Seeing our peanut’s sweet face and steady heartbeat on the screen always calms my soul, and I was relieved when the technician told me his heartbeat was stronger than the day before.

The clinic’s policy is not to reveal results to patients, but she asked me what I had been told about the baby’s size. When explained that I had been told that he was likely in the 90th percentile, she nodded and said that he was “a good size”.

Olivia’s office called me later that afternoon with the results. According to the ultrasound, he’s measuring in the 85th percentile instead of the 90th. So, still big, just not quite as big as she initially thought. I’m still at risk for the complications we discussed, but I don’t have to have an immediate induction either… which I’m happy about.

So, it’s been an interesting few days. I’ve had some time to process all these new possibilities–and I do understand that that’s all they are right now (he could still end up being the same size Ruby was… ultrasounds aren’t 100% accurate)–and I feel a little less anxious.

But I am nervous. I guess I just feel like I have no idea what to expect this time around. I’m trying not to overthink things and not dwell on the negatives–he is healthy, strong and content in my belly (for now) and that’s really what’s important.

I know I’ll get through whatever lies ahead, I just hope it all goes relatively smoothly without any complications.

And now, we wait.

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