I’m here. Two days in a row. It’s a Christmas miracle!
I would very much like to be hibernating underneath a mountain of blankets because it feels like it’s -100 outside, but you know. My big sweatshirt and cup of hot chocolate can tide me over for a few minutes.
Today I feel like I woke up for the first time in a long time.
Not literally–I actually went to bed WAY too late and was a total “mombie” all day long–but metaphorically. Finally figuring out what I need to write about is kind of electrifying. My brain has been absolutely buzzing with ideas all day long. I have more questions I want to ask. More thoughts about what to do with the information I’m collecting. What I want to write about. What I want to say.
Above all else, how grateful I am to the women who are sharing with me.
I’ve had 45 responses come in so far… and they have each been so raw, real and honest. There is so much detail and feeling in what has been shared with me. I’m honoured that people have been willing to be open and tell me about something so painful.
I want to be very clear– all of the responses are COMPLETELY anonymous. I can’t see any details about who has shared them with me. All I can see are the words left and the emotions that are pouring out from between the lines. It’s been a weird day for me… I’m not going to lie, reading these responses has been heavy. The most common theme that has emerged so far is how lonely these women felt as they experienced their miscarriage and the grief that follows. It is really heartbreaking to me that THAT is the shared experience.
But even though the weight of what I’m reading has been heavy, I feel like I’m finally *doing* something about it… and that has been so healing for me.
In between obsessively checking my phone as each new notification came in, it was a gloriously quiet day. I am NOT a fan of deeply cold weather like this, so P and I barricaded ourselves in the house and had a quiet day. He played and I cleaned a little, then we both had a nap. It’s becoming more and more real that my “baby” is no longer a baby. He is totally potty trained now, and it feels like he aged a year in the last two weeks. Next week I have to register him for school… my heart is simultaneously begging time to slow down whilst also LEAPING for joy. It’s a weird feeling. (ha)
Tonight I got to slip out for my monthly parent council meeting at the kids’ school. I’m enjoying it so much more than I expected, and tonight I got the chance to chat with a few people I haven’t had a chance to before. It’s nice to feel a little more connected to my local community… I need to push myself a little harder to get out there more.
Well, I am going to attempt to be in bed at a reasonable hour tonight… I am still trying to get back into routine after two glorious weeks of late nights and lazy mornings. I also still have to pack the kids lunches for tomorrow and I feel like I’m at the cut off time where I just can’t put it off anymore. *sob*
At least tomorrow is Friday. :)