So, I’ve been a little quiet.
It’s been a trying few weeks, and I just knew that the spark wouldn’t be in my writing, so I decide to take a time-0ut. Honestly, so far 2013 hasn’t been shaping up to be a banner year. I know it’s only January, but among other things, Ruby has already been sick twice, I was in a car accident and wrote off our family vehicle (no injuries), and today I just received news that I didn’t get the job I interviewed for last week.
I try hard to be a positive person, and really–there has been a bright side to each of the things that has happened this month–but getting the call telling me that I was not the successful candidate for a position at the school I’ve put my heart and soul into for two years was crushing.
And this morning I broke down.
The hardest part of all of this, is that with each new trial I felt my confidence chipping away. My confidence as a driver, as a caregiver and mother, and now, as a teacher. And this morning I had a moment where I doubted myself in all of it.
These past few weeks I’ve really been reflecting on the nature of life and how it continues to change as I progress further into adulthood. I feel… unsure of myself. Not that I ever knew what life had in store for me, but I felt like I had a plan. A path to follow. And these past few weeks have made me question the road I’m on.
Every so often it seems like I have a year that challenges me in every way possible. While it’s sometimes excruciating to go through it, I have always looked back on those trying years with gratitude for the things I’ve learned and experienced, as I know I can’t always see the bigger picture when I’m standing in the middle of it.
I have a feeling like I might be entering into another one of those years–I can feel something restless stirring deep within my bones. It’s moments like this when I cling to the mantra from one of my favourite books:
“I will persist until I succeed.” –Og Mandino
So, that’s where I’m at. It’s been a hard couple of weeks, but I know things can only look up from here.