Girl Friends*

Sometimes I feel like I missed the boat.

Every time I open my Facebook my homepage is filled with photos of my girlfriends and their girlfriends. Pictures of cottage weekends, fabulous dinners, or even just hanging out together in someone’s kitchen or backyard… and I can’t help feeling immensely jealous. I don’t have that.

Don’t get me wrong–I have lots of girlfriends, and they are all amazing people. I love them to death, but I haven’t felt like I was really “in” a group in years. You know, the ones you can call about anything at any time of day, the ones always ready to get together for a good time, the ones who have been with you through thick and thin. Girls have this uncanny ability to meet and group together and form tight bonds that are stronger than anything I know. Mind you, sometimes this bonds break as quickly as they form, but really, if you’ve got a group of best girlfriends behind you then it’s like having a constant support system.

I feel like I’ve been moving all my life. When I was 16 I transferred high schools to take a better drama program (at the time I wanted to be an actor… ha) and left all my childhood girlfriends behind. Oh, I stayed in touch, but I was so focused on fitting in at my new school that it was difficult to stay close with my old girlfriends while I was trying to make new ones.

After only one semester at my new school my family moved 7 hours south to B-Town and I had to start over all over again. This time the change was almost too much for me to handle–when I transferred high schools the first time my friends were still all close by to support me as I transitioned. Then I left everything I’d ever known, my friends, my boyfriend and began again… in grade 12. If anyone else out there has also started in a new high school in their last year, then you know how hard it is. Think back to your final year of high school… it was full of the future! Plans for University and College were in full force and most people already had established friendships by then. Sure, people were very nice and I did make a few close friends, but it wasn’t the same as having a group of girlfriends that you start with and finish with. I was there, but always on the outside. I lost so much of who I was that year, it’s taken me years to recoup the confidence I had before we moved.

When I left for university I was sure I’d finally find my group of friends… and I did… but they were all guys. Haha! I’ve always found it “easier” to be friends with guys–before I got married nearly all my best friends were male. Don’t get me wrong, I became close with Star* while I was there and we still keep in touch, but in first year I didn’t find my group.

…then I moved again.

When the Hubster and I got engaged we decided we wanted to move somewhere together where we could start fresh, so I transferred to Hippie U and we moved to Senior’s City. For the duration of my undergrad I never felt like I really fit in there. It was a completely different scene from Ghetto U, and although I met some wonderful people there whom I love dearly, I still never found that group.

Teacher’s college was another experience altogether… I loved that year more than life itself. Sure, it was busy, intense and stressful, but I made amazing friends… then placements happened, and graduation, and somehow things just seemed to fall by the wayside. We all live in different areas of the province and everyone is reconnecting with their old groups in their hometowns.

So here I am again. I’m not unhappy with the friendships I have by any means. I have wonderful friends… Material Girl* has stuck by me for 12 years and even through we really don’t get to see each other very often, the minute we see each other it’s like I never left. Gene* was my other half for years, and although we drifted for a while, we’re becoming close again and I am really happy about that.

But these are all individual friendships, and sometimes I just wish that I was in those Facebook photos, or part of those blog stories.

Sometimes it’s hard to be the one looking in.

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35 Comments

  • Red

    Hey gorgeous girl. I don’t have any girlfriends either [shrugs]. Just not my thing, apparently. There are girls that I like, and some that I love buuuutttt… none of those IT friends, really, you’re talking about. I find it the worst when I think I maybe finally found an “it” friend and then it turns out that I’m so far from HER it friend, you know??? Anyway. We have our Hubses. :)

  • Karen

    I know my situation is completely different from yours, but I totally get what you’re saying. Pretty much all of my friends are married and a lot of them have kids. And they all have these other married friends and I’m the lone single person. I feel left out a lot. Someone once accidentally slipped that having me there on games night made the teams uneven. He didn’t mean anything rude by it, but it still hurt. A lot of my friends aren’t friends with each other either. So I’ve got this couple that I hang out with and that group and this friend whose husband I don’t even know. So yeah. It would be nice to have one of those core groups where we all get together for pedis and shopping afternoons. I don’t think that real life is usually like that.

  • Shop Girl*

    I know my situation is completely different from yours, but I totally get what you’re saying. Pretty much all of my friends are married and a lot of them have kids. And they all have these other married friends and I’m the lone single person. I feel left out a lot. Someone once accidentally slipped that having me there on games night made the teams uneven. He didn’t mean anything rude by it, but it still hurt. A lot of my friends aren’t friends with each other either. So I’ve got this couple that I hang out with and that group and this friend whose husband I don’t even know. So yeah. It would be nice to have one of those core groups where we all get together for pedis and shopping afternoons. I don’t think that real life is usually like that.

  • Red

    Hey gorgeous girl. I don’t have any girlfriends either [shrugs]. Just not my thing, apparently. There are girls that I like, and some that I love buuuutttt… none of those IT friends, really, you’re talking about. I find it the worst when I think I maybe finally found an “it” friend and then it turns out that I’m so far from HER it friend, you know??? Anyway. We have our Hubses. :)

  • Karen

    I know my situation is completely different from yours, but I totally get what you’re saying. Pretty much all of my friends are married and a lot of them have kids. And they all have these other married friends and I’m the lone single person. I feel left out a lot. Someone once accidentally slipped that having me there on games night made the teams uneven. He didn’t mean anything rude by it, but it still hurt. A lot of my friends aren’t friends with each other either. So I’ve got this couple that I hang out with and that group and this friend whose husband I don’t even know. So yeah. It would be nice to have one of those core groups where we all get together for pedis and shopping afternoons. I don’t think that real life is usually like that.

  • Faith

    oh boy, do I EVER know how you feel!!! I moved around my whole life too, and I had exactly your problem until I met my husband and settled down here… and even then, I only have these friends because he had them first!! You and I really need to get together soon.

  • Rhianimator

    oooooh Shop Girl, do I ever feel your pain!!! Moving back home after teachers college has been SUCH a bummer… I do love the friends that I have here, but the friendships have all changed now. This past year away I just grew soooo much, as much as I’ll always have my friends from high school/work/etc who I’ll talk to and stay connected with, it’s just not the same. I was just sayign to F-box the other day that I wish that I had great girl friends that I could just call and hang out with whenever. I lovvvvved teachers college, and honestly felt like there I had made that group of awesome girl friends… but it’s true, we’re all so far apart now that it makes it hard to have that call anytime, hang out whenever closeness. Can’t we all just start a school together in the same city?? xo

  • Kristina P

    When I first got married, and was pie eyed and in love, I always thought that I could move anywhere and not need anyone else. I laugh at that now. I have realized that I NEED my girlfriends. I have only a few really close girlfriends, but that’s enough. I will be your friend! :)

  • GingerMandy

    I’m the same way, I had a pretty close group after high school but most of them got married and moved away, or just didn’t feel they needed to be close with their girl friends anymore since they had their husbands. I have close friends that i go out with and i’ll always be friends with, but it’s no sex and the city. people change over the years, and new people come in and out so i guess that keeps it interesting! :)

  • Andhari

    I feel you, love. I always sort of floating from one group to another, none I can fit in very well, I have a few close friends but I cant really call it a group since they dont really know each other you know, although each of them is close to me?:(

  • Erin

    I know exactly how this is. I have had a group of friends since 10th grade, but I never felt “in” the group. It’s hard for me to make girl friends because I can’t seem to find ones that share my interests. My old friends are into the bar scene and are single and I’m in a serious relationship and don’t drink.

  • Veggie Carrie

    You’re not alone in feeling like this. Moving about doesn’t help friendships much, I find a nice group of friends and then we all seem to move apart and I replace them with another group of friends. It’s difficult to stay in touch, although I do try. I’m sure you have that special group of friends waiting for you e.g. when you get a teaching job and settle somewhere, or have kids…. For the time being, at least you know you have some good friends, your family and the Hubster and that’s what is important.

  • Ari

    Aw you can be in my group.. I love your motto: “When the shoe fits… …buy it in every colour.” That’s like MY motto. Plus we’re both teachers so we fit in perfectly. I know what you mean though, mainly because I don’t have that many girl friends. Maybe like 2. And I see all those pics on FB and get a bit jealous…

  • Kelly

    Love you dearest. Yes our lives have taken vastly different turns the past few years, but soon we’ll be grown ups with jobs and SALARIES and time off and we shall visit and it’ll be like we never left. Missing you, Gene*

  • Shop Girl*

    Mummy Maggie* I heart you. I’m coming!!!! (soon)

    Red* I know what you mean, and I am grateful for my Hubster every day. But girl friends are just different, you know?

    Karen* You’re probably right, but wouldn’t it be glorious if real life WAS like that? I think it is for some people.

    Faith* Well, I’m glad that your Hubs was able to introduce you to some great people. And YES, let’s get together asap!! :)
    Rhianimator* Can I just say how much I love that you are “Rhianimator”? haha I love it! And frick, yes, life sucks now that you all live so far away. I’m SO down with starting a school and forcing everyone to move so we can all work there together.. haha

    Kristina P* Move here please. Like, right now. We can be BFF’s… and maybe one day TAMN might be my friend too.

    GingerMandy* I think it’s sad when women completely choose their husbands over their girlfriends… life is all about balance. It’s possible too have friendships too.

    Andhari* I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!!! That’s See more… how it is with my friends… I have connections to all these different ones but not ONE main group.

    Erin* Ohhhhh I am not alone! haha! I also haven’t ever really been into the bar scene, especially not since getting married. I enjoy going out every now and again, but not every night of every weekend… you know?

    Veggie Carrie* Thanks VC, you’re right. I am very thankful for what I DO have. :)

    Ari* haha thanks!!!! It just kinda sucks that you’re like a bajillion miles away. haha!

    Gene* I miss you too. ♥

  • Shop Girl*

    Can I just say how much I love that you are “Rhianimator”? haha I love it! And frick, yes, life sucks now that you all live so far away. I’m SO down with starting a school and forcing everyone to move so we can all work there together.. haha

  • Shop Girl*

    I think it’s sad when women completely choose their husbands over their girlfriends… life is all about balance. It’s possible too have friendships too.

  • Shop Girl*

    I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!!! That’s See more… how it is with my friends… I have connections to all these different ones but not ONE main group.

  • Shop Girl*

    Ohhhhh I am not alone! haha! I also haven’t ever really been into the bar scene, especially not since getting married. I enjoy going out every now and again, but not every night of every weekend… you know?

  • Dategirl

    Wow, I relate to this so much. I feel like I could have written it, minus the moving around part. I moved around the most post HS for college. Like you I’ve always had guy friends, and as you know once you settle down, it’s hard to maintain those friendships. I’ve had so many girlfriends come and go that it’s hard for me to trust women, or get close to them, for fear that they’ll be gone. I was always so envious of the show Friends, where they had this guaranteed group they hung out with. I keep hoping that someday I’ll have that too!

  • Lil' Woman

    I agree! I’ve had girlfriends my whole life but at this point in my life I feel alone. I or some of my close girls have moved away and here I am just chilling getting ready by myself most of the time. Maybe that’s why I like blogging so much, cause it gives me a connection to other woman.

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