It finally just hit me that the Hubster and I will be living apart next year… and I don’t even know what to do with myself.
I just had a job interview where I was asked if I would be able to work through to frosh week next September to which I answered that I wasn’t sure as it depended on whether or not my current university would stop being jerks and enroll me in TC. As soon as the interview ended I went to the admissions office to plead my case and learned that there was absolutely no possible way I could be accepted, and also that deferment of my current offer was impossible.
So, I either don’t go, or we separate. And the thought of not being with my husband is absolutely breaking my heart. I guess until this morning I still had some buried hope that it wasn’t real… but it is. And it sucks. I nearly started crying when I left the admissions office I was so overwhelmed by it all. If I hadn’t immediately been surrounded by throngs of screaming female rugby players I probably would have. But, I held it together and here I am.
I’m trying to find some positives in the situation… I keep telling myself that I’m fortunate to have gotten in somewhere at all. So many of my friends have had to change their life plans in the past 2 weeks and I at least have something.
I’m also trying to think that maybe this will be good for me. When I lived on my own I was independent and confident–I took the world on and was always ready to try something new. Since being married I’ve become so comfortable in my little corner of the world that the woman I was when the Hubster met me sometimes feels like a distant memory. Maybe being on my own again will help me regain my confidence for when I enter the workforce.
Four hours isn’t that bad, right? I mean… it could be worse… I just… ah. I don’t want to go.