• Panic Attack*

    So… I’ve had a pretty crappy day. I cried 3 times, blew my nose about a hundred, and almost killed my laptop.

    I’ve pretty much decided that I am allergic to my city because every time the seasons change I get sick. I can almost pin point the moment my nose clogged last night and it hasn’t stopped since. I managed about 3 or 4 hours of sleep last night so I’m pretty tired today. Is it possible to be allergic to something in the air at different times of year? I don’t know. There’s something about this city that makes me get sick. So I’ve just been tired/no energy all day.

    And then…. the lap top. At the last minute I decided to go to my 7pm class. I was going to go early so that I could meet up with Dee beforehand and we’d go to campus together. So as I was getting my things together, I managed to spill half a glass of orange juice (which I never drink and only am now to pump vitamin C) onto my laptop keyboard. So, I had a freak out. I probably should have called the Hubster because he is my computer genius, but he was in class so I decided I shouldn’t. I cleaned it as best I could and got out as much of the wetness as I could then tried turning it on, which I only learned later is a BAD idea. *NOTE: If you ever spill liquid on your laptop, do NOT try and turn it on. Anyway. I turned it on and it booted okay so I thought I was in the clear. I cleaned it up, threw it in my backpack and off to school I went. No tears yet.

    After a nice visit with some friends in the caf, we headed off to class, where I tried turning on my laptop on again. Nothing. Tried again… nothing. NOTHING. No little flashing lights, nothing. So… I panicked. I began frantically calling the Hubster but the line was busy. So after leaving him a couple of desperate text messages, he called back about 10 minutes after the class had begun. I snuck out and explained what happened… in tears. At school. Not good. So he encouraged me to come right home so that he could try and fix it so after I waited a few minutes to make it not so obvious that I had been bawling my eyes out, I went back in and gathered my things and left.

    It took me a while to get home, and I had another little cry on the bus as visions of the 2000ish my computer cost that we just don’t have danced through my head. When I got home I was on the verge of a breakdown but thankfully my husband knows me well enough to know that I know when I’ve made a mistake and that I do a pretty good job of beating myself up over things. So instead of any comments about the laptop he just gave me a really big hug as I cried and told me he loved me. He then spent the next 3 hours taking apart my computer and putting it back together with hopes that I hadn’t fried it by turning it on after getting it wet. But he is a genius because here I am. I don’t know how I lucked out to get such an understanding and smarrrrrrrt companion. Hubster, I sure love you.

    So… after a long day I’m pretty much beat and ready for bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

    Shop Girl*

  • I Believe*

    I forgot to do this yesterday… so here you are!!!

    I BELIEVE

    I believe – that sometimes when I’m angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

    I believe – that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

    I believe – that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

    I believe – that it isn’t enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

    I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

    I believe – that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

    I believe – that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

    I believe – that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

    I believe – that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

    I believe – that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

    I believe – that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

    I believe – that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

    Shop Girl*

  • Thirteen*

    Several of my friends on facebook have been posting notes that contain thirteen messages for 13 unidentified people. The idea is to release things that you’ve wanted to say but never have into the universe and get it off your chest. Ideally, the person should never know which statement is about them… it’s really just a means to vent, and is apparently quite therapeutic. So, I thought I’d try it.

    1. You inspire me. I admire your creativity and independence. Even in the face of adversity you somehow always seem to maintain a good attitude and persevere. We have been friends for a long time, and I don’t know if I’ve ever told you how much I admire you and value your friendship. You are a rock in a sea of changing tides. Thank you for always being my constant.

    2. You settled… and it breaks my heart. I feel like you could have had the world at your fingertips and you sold it– for what? I try so hard to be patient and wait for you to come to your senses, but knowing that you could be so much more breaks my heart. But you know how I feel, and you know I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I just wish you could’ve let go.

    3. I let you go… and of the many mistakes I made over the years, this is one of the ones I regret the most. I miss you every day, and I am so thankful that you never cease to forgive my shortcomings. I hope that someday we can rebuild the friendship we once had.

    4. I don’t understand the direction you’ve let your life take… you are SO incredibly talented, and I’ve watched you throw so much away. You’re so different. I like to pretend that I still know who you are, but I really don’t. The person you show me is not the person I know you are to everyone else. If you like who you’ve become, then don’t hide it from me. I hate that you think I can’t handle it.

    5. I don’t know when we started drifting… but suddenly I feel like we’re on opposite ends struggling to find a common ground we used to share. You’ve changed a lot… I guess I have too. I wish I knew what to talk about with you so that we could make things work again. It just seems like every time I try I freeze up and huge silent gaps fill the places that long conversations once occupied. I’m sorry…

    6. We’ve known each other a long time… and throughout those years we’ve always been close friends. Yet I have always felt that I’m only ever really your friend when it’s convenient for you. When you need help, you come to me. When you have a problem, you come to me. I don’t mind being that person for you… I just wish that you would include me in more of your life. I’m always the ‘other’ girl. When you’re with someone, we drift. When you’re not, we’re close. It shouldn’t be like that, not for us.

    7. Sometimes, you drive me nuts. AHHHHHHHH. There are times when I seriously want to grab you and knock some sense into you. You blame the rest of the world for your problems, but nothing will ever get better for you until you change your attitude and make some changes in your lifestyle. You are AWESOME… please just remember that THERE IS NO RUSH.

    8. I have a lot of trouble making friends with girls… but with you, it was so easy. I don’t think you know how much of an effect you make on people– you brighten a room when you enter it. I appreciate your friendship every day, and you are the closest thing I’ve had to a real best friend in a long time, and I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes. Don’t ever second guess yourself… you have SO much going for you. Thanks for being you, and for being here.

    9. I can’t believe you. If I thought you were worth it I’d slap you, but it’s not my business so I just walk away. I love that you can pretend like nothing happened… but I know. I know what you did, and I don’t know how you can even look at yourself in the mirror. You’re lucky she’s such an amazing person and forgave you. I can’t.

    10. I don’t know what happened to you… I moved away and you fell apart. I’m so glad that you’ve made some changes, but I still miss the person that I knew. I used to know absolutely everything about you… and now I know absolutely nothing. What happened to you? Where are you? Why?

    11. You have no idea how exciting it is for me to think about how close we’ve become considering our history. You’ve become a source of strength for me… you’ve been through some immense hardships in your life and as you are healing from them I see you becoming this person of courage and inner power. I know you have insecurities… but we all do. I just hope you see what others see… or what I see. And what I see is amazing. I love that we’ve become closer, and that I can come to you when I need someone to talk to. It’s something I’ve wanted my whole life… and I’m so glad we’ve made it work.

    12. I hated you. I’m sorry… you took something from me that I was fiercely protective of and tried to turn him on me. We had SO much history and you waltzed in and took over… and I couldn’t forgive you for that. It took me a long time to let that go and accept you as a part of his life. But thank you for also finally accepting me as a part. Your apology meant the world to me… and I’m sorry for being such a jerk. You make him happy… so that makes me happy. I’m glad we finally buried the hatchet.

    13. You walked into my life exactly when I needed you and I will love you forever for staying. Despite our differences we are so much the same and I am eternally grateful that we found each other and made things work. There is so much that I love about you… I love the way you still reach for my hand, the way you look for me when you wake up, the way you understand what I need without my asking, and the way you constantly support and love me unconditionally. I love that you always come and hug me when I am leaving/coming home, that you never forget a special day, that we are our own family and that you are fitting into mine (and vice versa), and the way you never make me cry, but hold me when I do. Mostly, I love that you have always been you… there are no surprises or lies. Just you. And for that, I am forever grateful.

    Wow… that felt surprisingly good! Now back to the essay. Ugggggggggh….. haha

    Shop Girl*

  • Drained*

    I am so done with this year… I haven’t enjoyed a single one of my classes. I have an essay to write tonight that I am just not even wanting to look at, and so instead I write in here. I know I’ll have to succumb to the essay eventually, just not yet. It’s some comparative/analytical essay about A Streetcar Named Desire and an essay in a big book that I haven’t really read. I figure I’ll just read it as I write the essay about it. I am a staaaar student. My marks aren’t bad, I’m just sick of my crappy profs and crappy classes.

    I’m still wiped after our fire alarm adventure this morning. I kind of passed out on the bed for a few minutes after dinner, but tonight will be a late one because of my unfinished essay. I managed to make it to work and survived my students, and even managed to put together a decent meal and finish 3 loads of laundry. So I feel as though I at least accomplished SOMETHING today. So tired. Anyone want to write this essay for me?

    Shop Girl*

  • 100 Posts*

    This entry marks my 100th post!! How very exciting is THAT? I feel like this is a milestone in my blogging career that must be celebrated. I think I shall celebrate with a nap. And whyyyyyyy on earth would I celebrate with a nap? Well, because I am tired. That’s why. And whyyyyyyyy am I tired? BECAUSE THE STUPID FIRE ALARMS IN MY STUPID BUILDING WENT OFF AT 5 FREAKING AM AND STAYED ON FOR 20 MINUTES. THAT’S why. And after going downstairs to check with my landlord and all the other angry tenants to make sure that there really was no fire, I trudged back up to bed and fell asleep after about half an hour. It was a lovely little sleep… interrupted again at 9am by another 20 minute fire alarm. I had to hold the Hubster back from going out into the hallway and smashing it. I was mighty tempted, don’t get me wrong. I think we have an increda-sensitive fire alarm system here that probably goes off when some old lady was making her 5am morning tea in her kettle.

    So, now I am exhausted because rather than one glorious 8 hour sleep, I had two 3-hour sleeps that just didn’t make me feel at all rested. Even the Kangaroo Squares I made last night just are not making me feel any happier. I’m already dreading today because when the fire alarms start going off… they usually continue doing so alllllllll day long. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bah humbug.

    Shop Girl*

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